Well this is embarrassing. It's Columbus Day and the United States Government has been shut down for two weeks. How would Christopher Columbus, an old, old, great American Patriot have felt about these goings-ons?

In a word, he never would have stood for this kind of incompetence with regard to Congress running our great nation. Let me remind Tea Party Republicans that Christopher Columbus spurned the original Boston beverage-oriented event, sitting on his hands while a band of American Indians dumped a shipment of tea into the harbor to protest colonial Massachusetts' use of the word "corn" over the word they favored, which was "maize."

And why did he choose to support our government when that tea dumping prank would have been the best fun ever? Well, and I'm talking to you lawless members of Congress who are holding us all hostage, it's because Christopher Columbus relied on the U.S. Government to fund his expeditions and colonizations. If you Boehn-heads© had been running the show when Columbus was flexing his muscles, we never would have conquered and purchased Louisiana, and your beloved Texas would still be on Mexican soil.  

So Congress, let's honor Christopher Columbus on his actual birthday and reopen the government. I mean, come on -- we look like fools! Countries from around the world, like Spain, are reading this and cringing.