If it's your turn to have your friends over for dinner this weekend, but you're feeling like squashing it because of crippling exhaustion, just text this to your invitees: "Thought I'd just throw down a ham." Then sit back and watch as the regrets roll in. Why? Because people under 60 will do anything to stay out of ham's way. These are the same people who celebrate ham's cousin by walking around in t-shirts that say, "You had me at bacon." So what's our beef with ham?*

Here's what I came up with after doing exhausting researching in my own head.

1) People don't really mind the ham, but are afraid of side dishes like jello salad, macaroni and tater tot casserole.

2) Some people won't eat ham for religious reasons. God knows why, but it's easier not to mess around with it.

2) Ham slices are pink.  Pink meat is undercooked.  Undercooked pork will give you trichina worms. Nobody wants that.

3) Leftovers. Even if you are a guest at a ham-based dinner party, you will need to deal with them.  Hence the old adage, "The definition of eternity is two people and a ham."

4) Association with holiday family dinners, when you are a little girl wearing tights and itchy lace. Plus, before eating, sitting across the living room from your maiden aunt whose condition makes leg crossing uncomfortable, exposing you, your brother and sisters to a new and terrifying underworld of lady legs, hosiery, fasteners, girdles and garters. The plus side of this is that every year, after your dad returns from dropping her off, he commiserates with these words, 

"Brave men wept." 

*I really like ham.