I've written about safe words three times now, which I believe constitutes a body of work. I also believe that having a body of work on safe words makes me an expert, which is a great thing because I'm being peppered with questions on the topic.

Just today, an acquaintance called me for help with her mother, who has become increasingly loud in social situations, interrupting her daughter and continually trying to be the center of attention. After reading my body of work, they agreed that a safe word might decrease their public run-ins, but they were having trouble selecting the perfect one.

"Okay, let's start by ruling out the word cairn," I suggested, "which is the worst sounding word in the English language."  

"Right," she agreed. "How do you feel about palomino?" 

"It's a really good one," I said. "But unfortunately, it's already taken."

"Oh no," she said. "So, where do we go from here?" 

"I think that you should consider the word gimlets," I weighed in. "It's fun to say, and in my experience, senior citizens tend to relax when they hear it."  

"I'll run it by her and let you know," she said before she hung up.

I hate to jinx it, but I'm thinking that I really nailed a great safe word for them. Now, armed with gimlets, my friend can sit back and appreciate a courtesy hush if her mother raises a stink.