My brother's wife just sent me this photo of their backyard with the note, "Dave's been sunbathing on the roof again."

I was doing important research online, looking up names that end in the swanky sound "ington" to support my argument that Prince William and Kate Middleton's baby would benefit from being named Beginnington Middleton Endsor Windor, when I stumbled onto this:

I need names ending with -ington to match brother and sister's names

I am Suzette, I am 18, and expecting my third and final child. my other son and my daughter both have a -ington ending name. my first child my daughter is named Lexington Britta and my second child my son is named Kovington Micah. Thank you Suzette

Okay, hi, it's me, Conniezington, again. So in response to Suzette's entry, lots of people on the site weighed in, not only with recommendations of "ington" names, but also to judge some of her standout life choices. In an effort to defend herself, Suzette wrote:

...having third child was not my decision the birth control mirena* a piece broke off and I got pregnant again. So thanks and all my kids have the same dad by the way...I lost my innocence 2 him and we're getting married in October.

Okay, there you go.  Thanks to her explanation, that chronicle is no longer depressing. But exposing Suzette to the following name recommendations from this well-wisher does make me feel a little hopeless:

I have 2 boys...bennington and mackenzington...my 3rd is on the way and he will be lukensington.

*I looked up Mirena online and it turns out that it is a Bayer product. Bayer calls Mirena "Birth Control For Busy Moms." Since Mirena is responsible for making Suzette even busier, maybe she could name her third baby "Mirena©zington."

People are all over me praising the name I created for Kate Middleton's and Prince William's new baby prince or princess: 

Beginnington Middleton Endsor Windsor 

Here's why they are saying it's so bloody good: 

•   The full name has a pleasing balance, as well as a neat, natural progression -- the kind of structure that lends itself well to a great story arc.


•   Citizens of the UK will perceive that someone named Beginnington will always have a fresh take on the predicaments, pickles and pothers of the Kingdom.   

•   If you listen carefully, you will hear that the first name, Beginnington, contains the sound "ing-ton" which smacks of high brow people and important places and things. Think: Dynasty's Blake Carrington, London's Kensington Palace, Founding Father George Washington, The Battles of Lexington and Concord, and Capt'n BingHAMton, the highest ranking character on McHale's Navy (here "HAM" is sandwiched in the middle of the name, but that's okay because the Brits love to put ham in names and meat pies. Think: Nottingham, Buckingham, Tottenham, Chippenham, West Ham, East Ham and Lord Grantham from Downton Abbey, who's been kind of a pig lately.

But too bad for all of us, because the name:

Beginnington Middleton Endsor Windsor

is unusable and here's why. I have just learned that the baby might carry the last name "Wales." This name is apparently what the soon-to-be-father, Prince William, sometimes thinks to say if anyone asks him, "But, honestly and for the last time, what's your last name?" William may then explain that he uses "Wales" as his last name because his dad is Charles, Prince of Wales; "Wales" being the "last name" he just said.

So, to keep up with Kim Kardashian and Kanye West naming their baby North West, while incorporating the possible royal last name of "Wales," I'm going to say to Kate Middleton and Prince William: If it's a prince, Sperm Wales, and if it's a princess, Belle Uga Wales.

When Kim Kardashian and Kanye West named their child "North," I applauded the move because I like both word play and bad behavior. Most people in Kim's situation would have played it safe when picking a baby name, saying to Kanye, "You know what? There was a 1994 movie that had a kid in it named 'North.' I always thought that was a cool name. But hang on, since our last name is West, that would be pretty stupid. HAHAHAHA! Did you hear that honey? Our baby would be named North West! I'm calling my sisters. That's hilarious!"

Sorry boring people, I think the name North West is brilliant and I hope that when naming their new baby, Kate Middleton and Prince William go in the same direction. The royal couple has even more wiggle room for creativity because, apparently, they get to pick their kid's last name too. Here's one idea that I'll throw out there for consideration: Beginnington Middleton Endsor Windsor. 

Greta Leaving

To keep things lively around the house, Greta likes to sneak up on me, shout overused expressions, and then run away. For instance yesterday, when I was making breakfast, she appeared out of nowhere and screamed, "Connie! You're a hot mess, just sayin', my bad." Then she was gone.

Speaking of Greta being gone, she's leaving for college this fall and Bo and I are getting a little weirded out and sad that she won't be living with us all the time.  Last night, after an exhausting day at the office, he and I went into the living room and talked about our feelings. We agreed that we are handling the Greta-leaving thing just fine.