People are all over me praising the name I created for Kate Middleton's and Prince William's new baby prince or princess: 

Beginnington Middleton Endsor Windsor 

Here's why they are saying it's so bloody good: 

•   The full name has a pleasing balance, as well as a neat, natural progression -- the kind of structure that lends itself well to a great story arc.


•   Citizens of the UK will perceive that someone named Beginnington will always have a fresh take on the predicaments, pickles and pothers of the Kingdom.   

•   If you listen carefully, you will hear that the first name, Beginnington, contains the sound "ing-ton" which smacks of high brow people and important places and things. Think: Dynasty's Blake Carrington, London's Kensington Palace, Founding Father George Washington, The Battles of Lexington and Concord, and Capt'n BingHAMton, the highest ranking character on McHale's Navy (here "HAM" is sandwiched in the middle of the name, but that's okay because the Brits love to put ham in names and meat pies. Think: Nottingham, Buckingham, Tottenham, Chippenham, West Ham, East Ham and Lord Grantham from Downton Abbey, who's been kind of a pig lately.

But too bad for all of us, because the name:

Beginnington Middleton Endsor Windsor

is unusable and here's why. I have just learned that the baby might carry the last name "Wales." This name is apparently what the soon-to-be-father, Prince William, sometimes thinks to say if anyone asks him, "But, honestly and for the last time, what's your last name?" William may then explain that he uses "Wales" as his last name because his dad is Charles, Prince of Wales; "Wales" being the "last name" he just said.

So, to keep up with Kim Kardashian and Kanye West naming their baby North West, while incorporating the possible royal last name of "Wales," I'm going to say to Kate Middleton and Prince William: If it's a prince, Sperm Wales, and if it's a princess, Belle Uga Wales.