Our Westie dog, Isa, has been limping around, not using her right rear leg. The vet, thinking that Isa may have a torn ACL, put her on bed rest today. "What does that mean exactly?" I asked, "because this dog is a person with no control over her impulses. Just watch what happens when I free associate with her." I turned to Isa. "Reesaronie-onaroo (it's a nickname), I'm going to hold up a flash card with a drawing on it. When I do, please hold up a corresponding image from your pile of cards. Okay. Ready? Here goes." I then held up a drawing of a squirrel.

Isa pawed her cards around on the vet's metal table and picked one up with her teeth. "Let the record show that she's mouthing a photo of people running from a tsunami," I said.

I held up a drawing of a bird.

Isa held up her card -- "Okay," I said. "This is some kind of ring of fire."

Then I showed her a drawing of a dog watching another dog on TV.

Isa held up her card -- "It's a grainy black and white photo of a mushroom cloud."

"Don't you see doc?" I asked. "Isa is a girl who can't be on bed rest. She jumps to the wrong conclusions, and then makes sudden, ungovernable and aggressive movements.  She's happy to go about all this with just the three legs."

"Keep her in a small space, carry her outside to do her business and put her on a leash once she's out in the yard," the vet said. "Give me a call after four weeks and we'll see how her knee is doing."

On the way home, I tried to talk to Isa. "Mrs. Muroney (another nickname), first off, you're a low dog and I never knew you had knees, so that's cool. Beyond that, I hope you heard what the doctor said. You're on bed rest now, for a month. I'm worried that you aren't going to get better if you keep flying off the handle."

"It's just hard for me to take four weeks off of my work detail," she said, "especially in autumn, when falling leaves could result in severe head lacerations. And you, Missy, with no alerts, could wind up in the freakin' hospital. But I'll do it to avoid surgery. I'm just gonna need you to fill in for me while I'm sidelined."

"Just give me a list," I said.

LIST

• the no fly zone around our house - bark like hell at any bird who enters it - don't worry i marked it all off
• rabbit pellet poop in the backyard - eat it and keep eating it until someone sees what you're doing
• the chipmunk who lives under the stone step at the back door - kill that crazy mo fo
• a wet suit hanging in the outdoor shower - i guess just keep your eye on that situation - the same goes for clouds
• when dad's home - follow him around the house with your concerned face on
• you know the drill on squirrels

Happier Days

"Get out of the tub, woman. We've got a situation."