At the Dentist (continued from last time):

"We're all done now," Keratin said. "And I have to tell you that in all the years I've been a dental hygienist, I've never had someone sleep through a cleaning."

I yawned. "hmmmmm, yeah, that's the ThunderShirt Effect© for you (I hugged myself under the leaded x-ray apron). "But more than that," I said, "you're simply great at what you do. My mouth is super clean and I've never felt better. And I apologize if I've been hard to deal with. Let me run something by you, Keratin. Let's say that you're babysitting me and I lock my infant sister in my dad's banjo case. Let's say we pull her out on the early side and she's fine. Then I say I'm really sorry and we all go on to have a great night. Are you the kind of babysitter who would tell on me when my parents get home?"

"I'm telling the doctor that I think your x-ray is showing a cavity," she said. "And, hey, speak of the devil!"

Without saying hi to me, he walked behind my chair, directly to the laptop that displayed my x-rayed teeth. "Show me the money!" I heard him say to Keratin. Or he may have said, "Let's see what we have here."

"Right here," she pointed, "between 18 and 19."

"Yes, I see. Well, young lady, you have a cavity," said Dr. Cakehole (not his real name), as he came around to chat.

He sat down beside me and said, "Why are you wearing the x-ray..."

"It's fine," said Keratin. Just explain to her what's going on with the cavity." 

He started, "When we age, hormones change, saliva dries up, and gums recede."

"Shut it, Cakehole," I said. "Keratin has already explained to me that only young people get cavities, so I pretty much have the mouth of a six year-old, so this is all very flattering."

I peeled off the apron, jumped out of the chair, grabbed a novelty ring from the display (diamond: my birthstone) and went to the front desk to make a follow-up appointment. Driving away, I passed the old folks home that I'd been looking at when my appointment started. "Lucky them," I thought. "Many with no teeth. Practically babies."