After Greta dutifully wrapped up all of her Thanksgiving medical, dental, optical and other appointments, she and I sat down for pedicures as a treat. Faced with a minor language barrier at the salon, we wound up having chocolate rubbed into our legs and calves for a small upcharge of $10 each. The package included fifteen minutes of extra massage, which began when my pedicurist ceremoniously twisted the face of a classic, AcuRite kitchen timer. When his latex-gloved index finger pointed to the 15 marker on the clock and he gave us a solemn look, our fears of receiving fourteen minutes of the treatment were quelled.  

But it's hard to relax and settle into a foot rub with a tick-tick-tick reminding you that the great stuff that is happening now is all very, very temporary. And just as I was starting to feel shellacked by that, a 25-year-old mother named Ashley Nicole came in for a spa treatment. Ashley Nicole has a three-year-old daughter named Layla and three-week-old son from whom she really needed a break. Her mother-in-law was watching him for a few hours, thank god. Layla was with her dad. Ashley Nicole just found out about another girl named Ashley Nicole who looks just like her. There is a photo of Ashley Nicole II on her phone as proof. She loves bling on her cell phone covers and just paid $20 at the mall for a ruby one. Ashley Nicole bought these two items over the phone while her feet were soaking: a) another gem-covered cell phone case for $5 that her nail technician told her about, and b) a rottweiler puppy.

When the timer DINGed, our pedicurists abruptly raised their hands in the air, like two Chopped finalists at the end of the dessert round. They painted our toe nails and we left. On the way home, Greta and I spoke about the roller coaster effect that Ashley Nicole brought to our 15 minutes of relaxation. The highs were extremely entertaining, as when she said the words "bitch" and "whelp" to the dog breeder. The lows were annoying, as when she phoned her husband about what he and Layla should buy at the mall. But these boring low moments also served to slow down time, which was a great gift for those of us who were on the clock and having our heels rubbed.